My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
