Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize