perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
