you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
