We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
