If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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