god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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