I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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