Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
