hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
