They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
