i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
