I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize