Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
