you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
