So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
