Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
