My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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