Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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