"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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