Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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