Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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