Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
