she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
