I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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