So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
