My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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