He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
