I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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