that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
