Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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