Four minutes until I can fart!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
