there's paper in my vomit.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think i got beer on your cat.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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