What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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