Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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