Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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