I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she told me i tasted like america
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
