My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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