i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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