Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
