did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
