There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
