If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize