Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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