Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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