she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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