I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
