hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
