I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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