Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
