The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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