You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
