And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
