cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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