Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
