But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
