everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
