do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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