Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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