stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
