We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
