Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
