Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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