i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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