just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
