Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
