is your mom at the bar?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
