I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
