Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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