My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
