you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize