My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
