i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize