Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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