Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
