He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
