I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
