I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
