names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
