11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
