At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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