your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
