I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
