Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
