He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
