i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
