Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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