I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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