i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize