I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
