peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
