I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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