I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
