New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
