She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
