she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
