The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
