I'm eating all of the evidence.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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