Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
