please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
