someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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