1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
