How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
