I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it was like having sex with a tree stump
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
