My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
