fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
