I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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