where am i from again
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize